Night if the Naked Dead

IMDb

• Sometimes the Dead have unfinished business. A storm from hell brings mysterious strangers . . . who come with secrets. Emma is a struggling romance writer. David is a traumatized war veteran struggling with his past and sleeping in his van. They face an evil and terrifying menace as the strangers appear. Veronica arrives naked. Coby hasblood on him. Then the Others come. Sex and murder, lust and deadly vengeance make this a night that the romance writer and her new friend will never forget . . . if they survive. Set in an antique house amidst the haunted saltwater marshes of Cape Cod, like the Sixth Sense, the film marries Hitchcock and the paranormal in a tightly plotted thriller.
  - Written by Anonymous

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Why this film was titled Night of the Naked Dead is totally and completely out of the realm of my understanding. The title certainly indicates nude undead, but there aren’t any naked zombies in the film. For that matter, there really aren’t any actual zombies... I don’t think. The story is so insanely murky it’s actually challenging just following the flow of the picture. Not only are there no naked zombies in this one, there are no clearly defined plot points, everything just blends together in a mess of undeveloped ideas.

Okay, perhaps murky and undeveloped are generous adjectives. This film is a shit storm of the grandest measure. A massive storm sweeps over a small community, suddenly strangers surface with heinous intentions (except... they don’t... really). Are these individuals ghosts? Are they zombies? Are they simply foreign to the location? I’m still not entirely sure. What is obvious is that they’re here to cause trouble. That’s what I can give you of this “story”. These are literally the only areas of the script that seem pronounced.

According to imdb.com the pic “marries Hitchcock and the paranormal in a tightly plotted thriller.” Way to defecate on the name of a cinematic mastermind, all the while telling an easily observable lie. There’s nothing Hitchcockian about the picture, and the plot is so loosely assembled you could roll a semi right through one of the many holes. The performances aren’t what I’d deem inspired, and the characters themselves are disposable. If not for their miserable personalities and cheesy acting I’d say they’re totally forgettable, unfortunately you may be forced to remember a few of these figures based solely on negative merit.

The thing about a micro budget film is there has to be – at the very least – one extremely embraceable quality. Perhaps it’s the performances of the cast, or the quality of the script; special effects can often be well-executed on a paper-thin budget. There’s got to be something to grab, something that makes the viewer say hey, despite the faults of the flick, it had this going for it.Night of the Naked Dead doesn’t leave the audience with any single saving grace. From the opening moments of the production in which we see the worst CGI storm ever shot (it kind of looks like a child splattered a bunch of green and blue finger paint on a massive canvas), to the waning moments that feature a discombobulating “conclusion”, this is a micro flick that sputters, stalls on the tracks and gets T-boned by a freight train. The fact that someone decided to attempt to swindle unsuspecting consumers by attaching the words “of, the” and “dead” is truly deplorable. It’s an insult to genre fans and the kind of maneuver one might expect from Asylum. If your movie sucks with a capitol S, don’t attempt to sell the idea that is bears some form of relation to one of the most cherished and influential franchises in history.

If you enjoy zombie action, don’t watch this movie. If you enjoy spirited low budget horror, don’t watch this movie. If cohesive, well-planned scripts tickle your fancy, don’t watch this movie. If you dig horror flicks that are so bad they're great, don't watch this movie. The sad truth is, there is absolutely no logical reason to waste your time on this disingenuously titled hunk of junk. Night of the Naked Dead is nothing more than 90 minutes of your life that can never again be re-obtained or redeemed. And now I've invested another half hour in writing about the damned thing...

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