Charlie's Farm

IMDb

• In an effort to do something different, four friends head into Australia's outback to explore Charlie's Farm, the site where a violent family met their end at the hands of an angry mob. Despite all warnings, they persist in their horror-seeking adventure.
  - Written by Chris Sun

CinemaAustralia

As damaging as it might be to its chances of a fair distribution at home, Charlie’s Farm is the R rated film Australia has been dying to see. Its ruthless, no-holds-barred savagery makes it one of the greatest Australian slasher films of all time, and while it may not have the brains of some contemporary offerings like Greg Mclean’sWolf Creek, it’s got much, much more brawn.

Bored with not much to do, Jason (Dean Kirkright), Donkey (Sam Coward), Natasha (Tara Reid) and Melanie (Allira Jaques) head out to Charlie’s farm for the weekend to explore the urban legend of a psycho killer, Charlie, whose parents were murdered by a vengeful mob accusing the couple of terrible doings towards backpackers working the farm.

It’s not long into the group’s trip when we’re introduced to Charlie, played by a hulking Nathan Jones. He’s hellbent on killing the intruders in the most violent ways imaginable – without giving anything away one victim incurs the longest, most excruciating throat slashing ever seen on film. While the squeamish might not be able to help but look away, those who respect world class special effects of the highest quality will find a lot to appreciate, not only during this scene but throughout Charlie’s entirety.

Charlie’s Farm is riddled with familiar yet gorgeous horror film clichés that have made the genre so rich over the decades. There’s a campfire scene, pretty blonds, a mentally impaired child and at the centre of it all, a deeply disturbed family headed by horror film veteran Bill Moseley (House of 1000 Corpses) who gives the film its most impressive performance. He’s so electrifying here that it’s a shame his role wasn’t drawn out a little longer.

In fact, all of the performances are better than expected for a low budget horror film. Trudi Ross is gut-wrenching as Charlie’s overprotective mother and the two male leads are wonderfully humorous. But it’s two more Americans who surprise the most – Kane Hodder (Jason Takes Manhattan) can actually act and he does a great job as Tony and Tara Reid turns in her most tolerable performance ever.

At the heart of all of this is the film’s director – an incredibly talented Chris Sun (Daddy’s Little Girl) who demonstrates a genuine understanding of a genre he’s obviously so passionate about. This isn’t child’s play, this is a sick and twisted imagination that would be wasted on anything other than horror. If Sun can maintain this high level of quality in future filmmaking endeavours then not only is Australian horror in sterling hands but Australian filmmaking altogether.

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And Pubfilmno1

Playing with Dolls

IMDb
A serial killer is purposely released from an asylum for the criminally insane so that he can continue his rampage.


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Fear Town, USA

IMDb

• On St. Blevins Day (the most debauched of regional holidays), four boys looking to lose their virginity, a girl haunted by a dark secret, a lonely teenager, and an escaped mental patient all meet at a party in the woods. They were looking for fun but what they found... was TERROR!
  - Written by Brandon Bassham

HaddonFieldHorror

Careful all you Dungeons and Dragons champions: something wicked this way comes on St. Blevin's Day. A holiday that celebrates St. Blevin heroically driving all of the Polish children out of town and into the ocean, this is also a day that you are guaranteed to crush some pussy. At the stroke of midnight all women must begin porking the man standing closest to them.

As four virgins, a girl with a secret, two super tough bros, a girl looking for love and, of course, an escaped mental patient all travel to the St. Blevin's Day party in the woods, their paths will intersect in ridiculous and outrageous ways. All they have to do is follow the directions on the flyer that promises SEX! and TITS! Take the deserted highway to the Indian burial ground, hang a left at the old mill and then a right at the foreclosed concentration camp. Keep going down a long, scary dirt road until you reach Lake Blood. There's also going to be a psychic there!

Writer/director Brandon Bassham brings us a horror comedy that is made up entirely from performers of the Upright Citizens Brigade. Fear Town, USA is what would happen if Wet Hot American Summer and Bloody, Bloody Bible Camp had a baby. It's more of a comedy that has utilized all of the pedestrian horror film tropes to be self aware and poke fun at all things current, shallow and stereotypical.
Stabbin' cabins, masked murderers, evil ghosts, inebriated mean girls, the devil himself and an underage girl looking for her internet boyfriend all come together in the usual cabin in the woods and it's hilarious. Self described as a super low budget indie, the great comedic performances make you forget how low budget it is. Low budget is never a bad thing, but sometimes the low budget acting that can accompany it can make for a distracting experience. Fear Town, USA does not suffer from this in the least; even the intentionally bad acting is good.

Watching this film, you can feel that everyone involved had a great time making it and that really shines through and helps enhance the viewing experience. There are so many laugh out loud moments in Fear Town, USA that it would take days to name all of them, but the online conversation in the beginning gets a special shout out. As someone who didn't know what LOL stood for, this bit was especially hilarious.

Despite coming in at the usual 90ish minute mark that most cookie cutter horror movies run, this movie begins to feel a bit long around the 70 minute mark, but only because a joke can only run for so long. For this girl anyway. This is really the worst thing I can say about Fear Town, USA and that is barely an offense; it's just one person's opinion. We all need to take a break from horror now and again and this is the perfect option. It's a lot of laughs with a sidecar of extremely low budget practical effects. Available to watch for free on YouTube and Vimeo, I cannot recommend this film highly enough.

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The Slashening

IMDb
Best friends Lucy, Eva, Ashley, Beth and Margot have a sleepover like any other - until murder joins the party. A tale of friendship, betrayal, madness, and the search for some decent dick.


Horror Society

I like to think that slashers can be tossed into three categories.  The classic slashers from the late 70s and early 80s that followed the same story.  The story usually involved someone that was wronged then puts on a random mask and then goes on a killing spree.  We then enter the mid-90s where we enter the second category of slashers that are self-aware like the Scream series and I Know What You Did Last Summer.

The third category can be combined with the others and that is the slasher comedy.  Sadly, we don’t get a lot of slasher comedies but the last year or so has saw the numbers of these rising with one released almost daily.

Recently, I came across the Facebook page for the slasher The Slashening.  The film looked like a self-aware slasher with roots in the classic slasher style.  This really intrigued me so I had to check it out.  I reached out to the page and they were kind enough to hook me up.  Thanks for allowing me to see this!

**Spoiler Alert**The film follows five girls as they have a little weekend at home alone drinking and doing drugs.  They start drinking while some of them does some heavy drugs when two boys decide to crash the party for a little booze and a game of hide the sausage.

However, they are not alone.  Someone, or something, wearing a rucksack on their head is slowly picking off each party goer one by one as the others sit ideally by unaware that their friends are being slaughtered.  As we make our way to our last remaining party goers we soon discover who the mask murderer is and their motives behind the savagery.**Spoiler Alert**

My initial thought of this film was that I would be watching a slasher in the same vein as the slasher classicScream.  However, when I started watching the film I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was a slasher in the same line as the classic slashers that took place at slumber parties and sorority houses while adding a decent amount of humor to the film.

The acting in this film is phenomenal.  The entire cast is extremely talented and one of the reasons the movie is so damned enjoyable.  Each character was so easy to like while giving the viewer some solid humor.  Also, the women were just so damn beautiful!  Every female in the film was drop dead gorgeous with my favorite being Beth, the drug addict.  The story follows the slumber party slasher cliche that unfolds with a great twist and covered in humor.

The story follows the same as so many other slumber party slashers similar to Slumber Party Massacre where a group of girls is stalked and killed while trying to have a good time.  We then get some silly humor thrown in and then it finishes strong with a twist you will not see coming. However, the film does have a weak looking killer that almost takes away from the film.

Finally, the film has several kills that are your typical slasher-esque kills with nothing new.  However, they have some decent special effects and plenty of blood.  Slasher fans will not be disappointed,  Overall, The Slashening is a fun horror experience that has beautiful women, laughs, and plenty of blood.  Slasher fans will not want to miss this one!

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Cadaverella

Cinderella is a bit drugged up version
Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Info

The familiar Cinderella fable gets a grim twist in director Timothy Friend's tale of a murderous corpse who only has until midnight to avenge her untimely death. Cinder is an unfortunate soul whose mother is a vicious stripper and whose grandmother is a voodoo goddess. When Cinder is killed and presented the opportunity to strike back from beyond the grave, she is give until the stroke of midnight to unleash her undead wrath. ~ 

Killer Review

Summary: Cinder has troubles. She has a wicked step-stripper for a mom. Her prince charming is acomplete psycho. Her fairy godmother is actually a voodoo god. And worst of all she`s been murdered. But Cinder doesn`t intend to let a little thing like being dead stop her. She has places to go and people to kill. And she only has until midnight.

Horror Society

Review by BigBadWolfBoy

Okay, I’ll admit it. I popped Cadaverella into my DVD player wanting and expecting a sluttier, gorier retelling of the classic Cinderella story. And while I definitely got what I wanted and expected, part of the fun of this 2007 tarnished gem from director Timothy Friend is that the Cinderalla parallels aren’t as blatantly obvious as you’d think. This movie is a creation unto itself, and while it drags in parts and clunks its way through some uneven acting and editing, overall it’s smarter and more interesting than a good deal of what jets out of the indie horror fire hydrant these days.

Cinder is a smart young lass (at one point reading a book called Young Nietzsche!) whose wealthy, loving pap gets hitched to a stripper with two glowering, silent, black-wigged moppets in tow. He promptly keels over on the night of his honeymoon when the sultry moves of his new wife prove to be too taxing for his greasy cheeseburger-ed heart. Alas our lass is now left in the hands of stepmom Donna until she turns twenty-one, at which point she will inherit her father’s money and high-tail it someplace a little more tropical.

This is all told in flashback. The movie starts with Cinder (well played by Megan Goddard) already lamenting her own murder, and the story she tells about how she ended up dead is what Cadaverella is all about.

An interesting aspect of the film is that some of the leads play multiple characters. I don’t know if it was done on purpose or if it was a way to save money, but it actually works in the film’s favor. In the two most prominent examples, the dual characters played by their respective actors are polar opposites of each other, which I found fascinating.

In the first case actor Ryan Seymour plays both Cinder’s sweet, wheelchair-bound friend/wants-to-be-more-than-a-friend Justin, as well as gardener/psychotic-murdering-biker-boy Cash. Seymour gets to play both the guy who wants Cinder and the guy who Cinder wants in that crazy ‘I despise him so much I must bone him’ kinda way.

And the next example is Kieran Hunter. In reality she is also Jennifer Friend, co-writer and producer. In the movie she plays both evil stepmom Donna and harmless geek co-worker Lenore. One wants nothing more than for Cinder to be somewhat less alive than she insists on being, while the other wants only to follow Cinder around, be her buddy, and play for her Leonard Cohen songs. On an old-timey tape recorder. With a homemade tent sign that says ‘I heart Leonard’ sitting on top of it. As Lenore she’s adorable, and as Donna she affects this strange half-British/half-New Yorker accent that made me smile.

I liked the way the Cinderella touches are altered or buried. The stepsisters, for example, aren’t really evil. They’re creepy in the way they whisper to each other and NEVER AGE, but they seem more like otherworldly observers than anything else.

The Fairy Godmother has also been replaced with a voodoo priest named Baron Samedi (Santiago Vasquez), who arranges favors and guards the doorway to the Underworld. Once Cinder gets introduced to her brand new home in a shallow grave by some rocks, it’s the Baron that raises her and enables her to get all vengeful and such with her bare boobs and zombie-enhanced skull-crushing power and whatnot. It’s good fun.

Cadaverella surprised me with it’s humor. It also surprised me by holding back on the gore (save for a slapstick eyelid-ripping early on) until the last fifteen minutes or so when Zombie Cinder goes on her rampage. The strange thing is that I didn’t miss it. The movie has a strong enough story with interesting characters and a smart sense of humor, that I didn’t mind the lack of flesh ripping for a good chunk of running time.

Sure it’s a low, low budget affair with plenty of meandering scenes, awkward line-readings, editing that cries out for some serious tightening, dodgy digital effects, and an ending that just sort of sputters out. But it also has a love note comprised of Def Leppard lyrics. And it’s early Def Leppard, too! How cool is that?

If you’re looking for an offbeat horror/comedy/oddity, then Cadaverella might be just what the tophat-wearing, favor-granting Guardian of the Underwold ordered.

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Big Bad Wolf

YouTube Post
When DEREK COWLEY takes his college classmates to his stepfather's cabin to party, they are attacked by a strange creature. A cross between Hannibal Lecter and the Wolfman, the lascivious Beast hunts down Derek's classmates and kills them with sadistic glee. Back home, Derek begins to suspect his abusive stepfather, MITCH TOBLAT, is the werewolf. With help from his friend SAMANTHA, a brash motorcycle-riding tomboy, he begins to investigate -- leading to a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with Toblat. Ultimately, Derek must find the courage to face the unleashed Beast in a final night of unimaginable horror.



Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Info

A wisecracking lycanthrope stalks a hard-partying group of collegestudents in this full-moon comedy shocker featuring An American Werewolf in London's David Naughton and genre veteran Clint Howard. All they wanted was a fun weekend away from their parents and the pressures of school, but when these fun-loving teens cross the path of a werewolf that isn't afraid to speak its mind as he tears them limb from limb, they must find out who is behind the furry façade and put the beast down before it can claim any more lives.

I am just going to say not the best 

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Hellraiser 7 deader

Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Info

The cenobites are back and they're bringing an army of the dead to create hell on earth on the latest installment of the long-running Hellraiser series. After viewing a mysterious videotape showcasing a shocking act of death and resurrection, undercover reporter Amy Klein (Kari Wuhrer) soon learns of an underground group who possesses the power to restore life to the dead. Soon deeply entangled in the group's malevolent experiments with the afterlife, Amy finds herself caught in a life-or-deathstruggle that threatens to tear her soul apart. ~ Jason Buchanan, Rovi

Midnight Media

Movie Review: Hellraiser 7: Deader (2005)

Hellraiser 7: Deader

Written by Benjamin Carr & Tim Day
Directed by Rock Bota

Amy Klein...Kari Wuhrer
Charles...Simon Kunz
Pinhead...Doug Bradley

Amy Klein, an American reporter working for the London Underground newspaper is dispatched to Bucharest, Romania to investigate a cult known as the Deaders, who can seemingly return the dead to life. The closer she gets to the story, the deeper she finds herself in the cult's dark and surrealistic world.

This is not a very good movie, which is a shame, really. It's got a heroine that we can get behind--a plucky and tough-as-nails female reporter, something of a modern update to an archetype you used to see in the '40s--and an interesting concept. A cult lead by a descendant of the puzzle box's creator who figures out a way to use the box to his own advantage? Sounds pretty good on paper. On film, though...not so much.

This movie actually ties into the Hellraiser mythos only slightly, and if not for the appearance of the box (which does very little) and Pinhead (who does hardly more), this wouldn't even seem like a Hellraiser film. And there's a good reason for that: it's not. At least, it didn't start out to be.

This was initially scripted as an original feature, but when the studio lost faith in it, they called for a rewrite to shoehorn it into the franchise. It is this forced nature that weakens what could have been a strong film. Perhaps they should have started from scratch, or rewritten a little bit more.

Not only are the franchise elements few and far between, but the plot isn't quite coherent and doesn't go deep enough into the new mythology it tries to craft. A lot more explanation of what the cult was trying to accomplish, and seeing a few examples of this in action would have been appreciated. It's too muddled for any sort of clear picture to emerge.

It isn't unwatchable, and there are a handful of genuinely creepy moments, but it pales in comparison to much of what has come before it. Still, there are more entries to follow, and if the law of diminishing returns holds true, things won't bode well for them at all.

"There's something vaguely demonic about you, Charles."
--J/Metro

JoBlo Horror-Movie

Director: Rick Bota

Starring:
Kari Wuhrer/Amy
Doug Bradley/Pinhead
Paul Rhys/Winters
Georgina Rylance/Marla

Rating:

> BUY THIS DISC
> BUY HORROR POSTERS
> BUY HORROR COLLECTIBLES
> BUY ARROW MERCHANDISE

PLOT-CRUNCH

Chain smoking and heart shaped behind reporter Amy (Wuhrer) dives head & shoulders first into exploring a mysterious Cult called The Deaders. She’s put through the hell-bent ringer and meets Pinhead & friends along the way.

THE LOWDOWN

The Hellraiser franchise today is a different mammal than the one I fell in lust with way back when. Where Part 1 to 4 covered an ongoing storyline, Part 5 to now 7 (with 8 on the way) mostly act as stand alones, minor references to past films aside, only the puzzle box and good old Pinboy tie the series together. The question is, does it work?

Well, even though they're not really Hellraiser films anymore (they're more like films that Pinhead happen to be in) the films do come through in some ways! I personally boogied to Hellraiser Inferno, thought Hellraiser Hellseeker was "okay" and now here comes Hellraiser Deader giving it a body-shot! To be fair, this gleaming hook-job, kept me watching throughout. The “Ringu with a Cult” like premise was involving enough, the stylish visuals worked wonders (they fully capitalized on their Romanian locations), the suspense gave me a couple of lickings (loved the hang-girl bit), the nifty “shock” moments kept me on my claw-like toenails (all about that bathroom exercise) while the presence of stellar B-Queen Kari “criminally hot” Wuhrer wrapped it all up in a pretty blood soaked bow. In my book of blood (and flesh cantaloupes) Kari Wuhrer is always a sure bet that my eyeballs will be crazy-glued to the screen. I mean the gal is as gorgeous as the most tempting sin and can act most A List actresses out of the freaking ring. You just can’t go wrong with the dame and Deader was no exception. She carried the film admirably and was the "numero uno" reason as to my investment in all of it.

With that said its no secret that “Deader” was an already existing screenplay that was “tweaked” by the filmmakers to fit within the Hellraiser universe. Sadly it freaking showed. The “Pinhead” moments felt forced and out of place whilst the side Cenobites were lazily tossed our way (why even bother). To make matters more painful, the “Hellraiser” elements actually went on to dilute the main narrative line, taking precious screen time away from it. I was interested in the Deader cult plotline and wanted to delve deeper into it! I was never given the chance since the film was too busy trying to tell two tales at once. Consequence: it never came through fully one way or another. My final peeve had to to with the overplaying of one trick. Picture this: a horror scene builds up around our heroine , the stakes are high, we're reaching the crescendo, the uppercut is coming and then…we cut away to the lead waking up somewhere else. BUGH! The device worked the first two times but after that, it became a cheap and tired ploy. To echo what my last date told me: STOP PULLING OUT!

On the whole Hellraiser Deader was a flawed yet still decent and fairly effortless watch. Thank the heavens for Kari Wuhrer! She always comes through! To me, this one is an ideal “pre-going out to get laid” Friday night flick. A good warm up to something better. Now, play with this box and I don't mean the box!

GORE

We get some stabbings; a gun shot wound to the head, slit wrists, hooks in the face, hook shish-kabobs and a person being ripped to shreds by hooks. Red wet enough for me!

ACTING

Kari Wuhrer (Amy) has often been called a poor man’s Ashley Judd by many (I’ve said it too) but allow me to correct that. She’s the rich man’s Ashley Judd with stronger acting chops, a braver demeanor and a sexier aura. She the real, well rounded thing! Judd is just a poor version of her. WE LOVE YOU KARI! Doug Bradley (Pinhead) did what he was asked to do well. Not much more to say than that. Paul Rhys (Winters) looked like a younger version of Lance Henriksen and nailed the part! I wanted to see more of him! Georgina Rylance (Marla) had a small role but her magnetic presence made it a memorable one. Good job girl!

T & A

It’s a tit party over here! We get ample female ta-tas left and right with Wuhrer (minus implants) being one of the benefactors. We also get some girl on girl action (always fun). The ladies get some shirtless dudes and a quick glimpse of a limp noodle…enjoy gals! NOTE: Damn I love being a man!

DIRECTING

I grooved to Rick Bota’s style! He slapped potent atmosphere (the bluish hues so worked) and some nail biting tension laced moments my way while milking his locations to a “T” and knowing how to execute slow motion for maximum whoopass. Good stuff!

SOUNDTRACK

We get a subtle yet moody and effective score. We’re also served with a techno ditty that worked me well.

BOTTOM LINE

Hellraiser Deader sported an enthralling premise, moved at an even pace, looked morbidly spiffy and tossed in enough jugs & plasma to satisfy. The razor blade framed Ace in its sleeve though was the presence of sultry Kari Wuhrer who jacked the whole to a higher “must keep watching” level. Brilliant piece of casting there! It’s a shame that this party favor never went deep enough within its own story to please, played too many games for its own good and half cocked its Hellraiser ingredients. A solid Hellraiser sequel? Nah. An easy and watchable quick-fix horror flick? Sure! NEXT PLEASE!

BULL'S EYE

The flick was shot in Romania for 2 Million clams.

Screenwriter Neal Marshall Stevens is also the scribe behind the script for the 13 Ghosts screenplay.

- See more at: http://www.joblo.com/horror-movies/reviews/hellraiser-7-deader#sthash.h33ezTLq.dpuf


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Alien Vs Perdator

Rotten Tomatoes

Movie Info

Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson, Alien vs. Predator follows billionaire Charles Bishop Weyland (Lance Henriksen) and his team of drillers, scientists, and archaeologists, to an obscure pyramid site in Antarctica. Among the icy ruins, allegedly, lies the proof of an empire predating humankind. Once there, however, the group finds more than ancient sarcophaguses and hieroglyphics; rather, their discovery consists of dismembered human skeletons and fossilized remains of the alien creatures that appear to have violently burst out of their chests. Even more horrifying is the evidence suggesting that the aliens may still exist. Indeed, there are aliens below the pyramids, but an equal threat looms above: three Predators, all on the verge of manhood, are engaged in a gruesome rite of passage -- every hundred years, young Predators must travel to Earth and take on a hunting ritual in order to complete the transition to adulthood or die in the process. Before long, the humans find themselves battling for their own lives as the Predators and aliens continue their fight for superiority. The film also features Sanaa Lathan, Raoul Bova, Ewen Bremmer, Colin Salmon, and Agathe de la Boulaye

CinemaBlend

I’ve been involved with Cinema Blend, either as a reader or writer, for several years now and I have to say I can’t remember seeing a movie get more bad press around here than Alien Vs. Predator. It all started with the naming of director Paul W.S. Anderson (Even Horizon, Resident Evil) who some around here liken to the devil incarnate. The stories from filming sounded bad, and then we got our first look at promotional material. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t promising either. The proverbial fan was hit after CB forum regular “NotSo” claimed to attend a test screening of the film and wrote a report on that, drawing much controversy as it was claimed his negative review was made up, and that no screening happened. Even this week news wasn’t good, as it was rumored AvP wouldn’t even make it to theaters on time and all the early press screenings were cancelled due to “last minute editing”. Through it all I’ve tried to maintain a positive attitude. If you can believe it, I avoided all the negative talk. I even stayed away from “NotSo”’s screening report hoping that the epic battle between these two intergalactic forces would be awesome, and that all the rumors were blown out of proportion. 

They weren’t.

Alien Vs. Predator is the film everyone was afraid Freddy Vs. Jason would be – an attempt tocash in on the popularity of two franchises with little to no respect for the material the sequel was spawned from. I suppose it’s ironic that the movie, placed in modern day, is technically half a prequel(for the Alien movies) - that dreaded word that continues to haunt sci-fi fans as it drops franchises to their knees. It is, at its very best, a sequel that should make Highlander 2:The Quickening proud.

Taking place only a few months from now, the movie opens with its thin, extremely slow plot. Charles Bishop Weyland (Lance Henriksen playing the character his Alien franchise characters were based on) summons together a team of experts to help find and explore an odd pyramid found under the ice of Antarctica. The team is lead by Alexa Woods (Sanaa Lathan) whose specialty is preparing and leading groups into unexplored territory. Everyone else in the team is kind of inconsequential. We never really bond with the characters, so each one is given a different accent to help identify them – you have Scottish accent guy, English accent guy, Italian accent guy, etc. There is an attempt to make us like a few of them so that if/when they get killed later on we have some sympathy for them, but it’s done so poorly and with such predictability that it’s hard to fall for.

The team finds an abandoned whaling village above their destination and a perfectly carved tunnel down to the site of the pyramid. As they explore, they activate something within the pyramid, and the audience slowly pieces together that the artifact was created by/for the Predators, who then used it to breed and kill Aliens. If the audience is slow this is explained by a cast member along with a handy flashback a little later in the film, but really by the time they spell it out everyone in the audience is pretty much ahead of the movie. As the Aliens are brought back to life and start to reproduce, the Predators enter the pyramid to stop the interlopers and destroy the Aliens, which leads to cool battles between the two races.

Correction: which should lead to cool battles between the two races - instead it ends up looking like so much homemade pornography. The camera continually jiggles and shakes, and no single shot is used for more then 5 seconds. The result is a fight where you can’t tell who is who, or what is what. As is all too frequent in modern day action movies, the fights don’t look choreographed. They look like a lot of shots put together to look like a fight - where really someone yelled “action”, someone else in a costume threw a punch, and someone yelled “cut”. It’s sloppy, and it removes all the fun from the fight sequences. You really don’t know who to root for until a definitive blow has been struck (sometimes in slow motion to emphasize it). I accept that the other Predator and Alien movies focused on making things difficult to see, but that was usually through atmosphere and special effects which heightened the terror of the films, not through confusing the audience which… well, just makes the movie more frustrating.

Let’s talk about those other movies, shall we? AvP is the first movie of either franchise to avoid an R-Rating. It’s a smart move, attempting to cater to a younger audience and hopefully sell more tickets. Unfortunately it does this by cutting away from shots that might be particularly gruesome. For instance, we see a flash of a chest burster doing its thing and then cut to a longer shot of that person's face as she hits the ground dead. I can respect that, after all lots of sci-fi/horror movies have gotten away with a minimal approach to violence. The problem is, this is a movie that combines two franchises that have never been bashful about showing that kind of thing on screen. If this were the first movie in a series I could understand the less onscreen and more implied violence approach. Instead it feels like a diet soda – sure you got rid of half the sugar, but with it went the taste. Instead of a cool film that combines characters being hunted, stalked, and mutilated, we get aliens who appear outright and mutilation that never gets shown. I think it’s a castration of the Alien and Predator films, and I’m someone who actually liked all of the movies in those franchises until now (even Alien3 andRessurection!).

Some people say this is not solely the fault of Paul W.S. Anderson, but I don’t see how it could be otherwise. The cast isn’t given enough material or screen time to develop any sort of character, the special effects are impressive for the most part, and the bulk of the movie’s mistakes come down to scripting (written by Anderson), directing (directed by Anderson), and editing (again – Anderson). I can see how the story idea may have been good, but just not in this script. The bottom line is he made bad decisions and they hurt the movie – a movie that unfortunately has a potential sequel written into it and shown on screen.

Our head honcho Joshua Tyler, would probably tell you Alien Vs. Predator isn’t the worst movie of 2004, but it is the most blatant exploit of a franchise (let alone two), and that maybe that is worse. Personally I think there are worse movies out there, but most of it is original material that didn’t have a solid foundation to build on. Alien Vs. Predator not only ruined a great opportunity to combine two franchises (that have successfully combined in novels, comic books, and last year's fan made short Batman flick) but makes no apologies for it. I can’t even imagine how the serious fanboys are going to react to the movie – I’m not about to try and go into continuity flaws between this and its predecessors. 

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