Tying the Knot

NYTimes

Exploring Ties That Bind, Though Not Yet Legally

By STEPHEN HOLDEN
Published: October 1, 2004

ying the Knot," a clear-sighted documentary on gay marriage, has the good sense to take a large step back from the emotional debate surrounding the issue and scrutinize the history of marriage itself. Taking the long view, E. J. Graff, the author of "What Is Marriage For?" argues that this institution has never been the immutable, sacred bond that conservative politicians insist it's been for the last 5,000 years.

During the first millennium of Christianity, she says, marriage was a secular ceremony involving the exchange of property and the pooling of labor. It wasn't until 1215 that the Roman Catholic Church declared it a sacrament. The romantic concept of a partnership based on love rather than economic utility came later. Today's society, she says, has decided that erotic love is a legitimate reason for marrying, and she adds that same-sex couples qualify under this definition.

The movie compares many arguments against gay marriage to the objections to interracial marriage that were made not so many years ago. In the case that defeated anti-miscegenation laws, Richard and Mildred Loving, a white man and a black woman who married in 1958 in Washington, returned to Virginia, their home state, to live but found themselves prosecuted for violating the state's anti-miscegenation law. Given the choice of prison or relocation, they settled in Washington. After a protracted legal battle, the Virginia statute (along with all other state laws against miscegenation), was overturned by the United States Supreme Court in 1967.

The same kinds of legal battles are being fought in the courts today over same-sex marriage. The arguments for and against it pit practicality and human needs against deeply held religious convictions and social anxieties. "Tying the Knot," directed by Jim de Sève, is firmly on the side of legalizing same-sex marriage, but it allows opponents like President Bush, Bob Barr (a former Republican congressman from Georgia and the sponsor of the Defense of Marriage Act) and many others a platform to voice objections, most derived from the Bible.

The movie follows the wrenching case histories of two long-term gay couples in which one partner has died, and the other loses legal claim to the estate and survivor's benefits. One example involves Mickie Mashburn, a policewoman in Tampa, Fla., who married her fellow officer Lois Marrero in 1991 in a white-tie ceremony that's shown in a home video. When Ms. Marrero was shot to death in the line of duty a decade later, Ms. Mashburn filed for Ms. Marrero's pension benefits. Despite the support of the couple's co-workers, the Tampa Police Pension Board granted the benefits to Ms. Marrero's family. Ms. Mashburn has vowed not to give up the fight.

Even sadder is the case of Sam and Earl, Oklahoma farmers who lived for 22 years in the house they built together from scratch. When Earl died, a group of his cousins, who had had almost no contact with him for 20 years, banded together and challenged his will, which left everything to Sam. They won on a legal technicality. Sam has received a notice of eviction, along with a bill for back rent.

"Tying the Knot," which opens today at the Chelsea Cinema in Manhattan, skillfully weaves these stories into a step-by-step account of the struggle to legalize gay marriage, beginning with the Hawaiian union of Nina Baehr and Genora Dancel, which prompted the creation of the Defense of Marriage Act (signed into law in 1996 by President Bill Clinton). That opening salvo was followed by the passage of Vermont's Civil Union Law in 2000 and by the legalization of same-sex marriage in the Netherlands and the Canadian province of Ontario. Last year, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court declared over the vehement objections of Gov. Mitt Romney that same-sex couples had the right to marry.

Underlining the debate is President Bush's support for a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. In the meantime, a heated state-by-state battle to decide the issue is under way.

TYING THE KNOT

Directed by Jim de Sève; director of photography, Mr. de Sève; edited by Mr. de Sève, Constance Rodgers and Stephen D. Pelletier; music by Steve de Sève; produced by Mr. de Sève, Mr. Pelletier and Kian Tjong; released by Roadside Attractions. At the Chelsea Cinemas, 260 West 23rd Street, Chelsea. Running time: 87 minutes. This film is not rated.

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